REALITY TV CIRCUS

Welcome back, folks, to another exciting season of For The Love Of Ray-J. In this case, it’s now For The Love Of Ray-J 2, but already we can see several things developing.

First off, Ray-J is through with his playboy ways–although he still likes a girl who can do the splits–and he wants to settle down.

Typical second season behavior from the male lead, right? First season he wants to get on whatever he can, and the second season he becomes more refined, as if all of a sudden, he stopped being a horn dog.

Anyway, that attitude lasted about all of five minutes before girls started throwing down drinks and acting crazy!

In the end, though, Ray-J didn’t give a glass to Tipsy, for obvious reasons. He also didn’t give a glass to Fettucini, who came into the house bragging about being a celeb smasher. Probably a wise move there.

And finally, in the biggest hard-on killer of the evening, he didn’t give one to Diego, the girl who asked him who his fave R&B artists were, and hers didn’t include Ray-J. Wow.

Anyway, 16 girls remain. Any faves from week one?

Tool Academy 2 got off to a hilarious start this week, and frankly I needed it, because of the bullshit surrounding that prick, the now-dead-as-a-doorbell Ryan Jenkins.

Jenkins singlehandedly canceled one of my fave shows, I Love Money 3, because of his douchbaggery murderous ways. He also cancelled Megan Wants A Millionaire, supposedly because he went far in the show.

The show he really should have been on was the Tool Academy, because, had he been alive, it would have been hilarious, not to mention payback, for his ex-wife to make a fool of him on national television.

That’s what happened to Josh the Spray Tan Tool, who was enough of an idiot to think the cameras weren’t rolling 24-7, down his pants and inside his butt crack to utter some of the most hilarious things I’ve ever heard in reality TV history.

Those cameras are so sensitive you could hear a cockroach fart when constipated.

This dimwad actually thought he could get out of the mansion without having to go through the hazing ritual befalling every eliminated contestant. Uh, that’s why the limo has curbside service! What a moron!!

The only way off the property is by car, because it’s in the middle of BFE! Good luck finding a cab in the desert. God, what stupidity.

And there will be plenty more where that came from, I’m sure. Half these dudes are on steroids and the other half are brain-dead. At the end, one will come out victorious, until he cheats again, because that is the way of the tool.

So enjoy the show! I know I will.

Despite all the nuttiness surrounding the now-canceled “Megan Wants A Millionaire” and that nutjob, the now-departed Ryan Jenkins, life went on in reality TV land and we had a show this week.

Real and Chance are still at it, trying to find the best stripper, uh, girl for their pea-pickin hearts. Aww…

In this week’s episode, the girls found themselves in the middle of a rootin-tootin Yeti hunt (Yeti played by the third Stallionaire, Micah) in which they had to hunt down the furry sucka and blow their horn.

The team featuring Blonde Baller and Junk did, winning a date with their man, Chance.

But it didn’t take long for the two to start fighting again, Junk accusing Blonde Baller of lying to Chance about having a boyfriend and so on.

You know, the usual. Anyway, Real’s girls were more subdued, as one might expect, because strippers can be chill, too…What, you thought they just took their clothes off for money? Whoa, are you wrong!

Apple, the least strippery of the bunch, tried to serve Real some breakfast in bed, which is usually a good thing. Except in this case, Real isn’t looking for love; he’s looking for boo-tay!

So no, Apple did not show up in a leather miniskirt with fake boobs bursting out of her top.

And Real sent her home at elimination. But the shocker came when Chance decided not to send either Blonde Baller or Junk home, despite the fact that both are bitches.

So 13 girls remain in the quest for Real and Chance’s love, I mean, manhood. Let the games continue!

This just in: Megan Wants A Millionaire airings have been posponed indefinitely because of the murder investigation surrounding Ryan Jenkins, known as Ryan.

Of course, it’s a little too late for VH1 and 51 Minds to act high and mighty about everything, they shouldn’t have let this guy on TV in the first place.

Here’s their statement regarding the matter and their decision:

Ryan Jenkins was a contestant on Megan Wants A Millionaire, an outside production, produced and owned by 51 Minds, that is licensed to VH1. The show completed production at the end of March. Given the unfortunate circumstances, VH1 has postponed any future airings. This is a tragic situation and our thoughts go out to the victim’s family.

Real and Chance kicked out Aloha, the Hawaiian girl who may have been the most certifiable person ever to appear on a reality TV show. She’s definitely up there for sure, with all the greats.

Saaphyri, eat your heart out, literally. Aloha chowed down on some grade-Q sushi (salmon from the grocer), and later told Real she had a stripper pimp who didn’t treat her well (left her in the middle of the desert to die, actually).

Then she told off Real several times because Real asked her if she was OK, and shared an intimate moment with Chance, telling him they belonged together because they both had mental illness. That pretty picture is waiting for you below.

Yikes! Hehe. Anyway, Real didn’t pick her at elimination and neither did Chance, so it’s aloha to Aloha until we see her on another reality TV show.

You will definitely see her on Charm School, but you might see her on I Love Money 3, because being cerifitable is a commodity in reality TV land. Look at The Entertainer, do you honestly think he’s sane?

Anyway, the Real Chance Of Love crazy train with strippers continues.

If you ever expected anything less than full-throttle craziness and absolute insanity, then you don’t know Real Chance of Love, do you?

The second season of the hit reality TV show opened with more bimbos than you can shake a stick at!

In fact, I haven’t seen that many strippers on one show, ever! It’s almost like the people casting the show went to strip clubs to find the girls this time around. 

Real and Chance wasted no time getting rid of four girls. Show Me, a stripper who clocked Vegas upside her head for something Vegas (Tina) said and Vegas for instigating the fight with Show Me;  

As you can see from the picture above, Show Me is not only a stripper, she’s effing batshit crazy!

And then there was Ribbon, a crazy broad from Louisiana who was more of a freak/stalker than an actual fan of Real and Chance. Actually, Ribbon didn’t even get their names right, so what was she doing on the show, anyway?

And of course, she had to take the time to give the boys the finger salute. Nice. Nothing but class on the show this time around.

And finally, there was Freckles, who really should have been named Tattoos for all of the ink she had on her body. Anyone who knows Real and Chance knows they hate tattoos with a passion. Freckles was gone from the get-go.

So now the boys are down to 16. And this year, they’re not allowing the girls to pick which one they like best. I’m telling you, Real Chance of Love 2 is gonna be the best reality show ever.

The new VH1 smash got going last night, and by all accounts, the nerds are finally winning!

Well, they aren’t winning yet, but they are gaining ground on other reality shows that promise a lot, but don’t deliver.

This show has already delivered geeks, creeps, freaks, wannabes and even a dude who wants his green card. Then she brought in two trusty blonde bimbo friends, Brandi C. from Rock Of Love and Cecille from Beauty and the Geek.

After Megan got to know each of the millionaires, she kicked three to the curb, a creepy movie director named Donald (above photo), a kid named James who doesn’t have his millions yet (they’re stored in a frust fund when his grandpa dies) and Audi, who was simply cast for the wrong show.

So, if you have zero funds or little to work with, you may be headed out of the house before you can say, “your credit has been declined.”

That douchebag London is back on Daisy Of Love now that Riki convinced Daisy that she really does like him. If Riki told Daisy the world was made of cheese, would she eat it? Probably.

Now there may actually be somebody in the house that Daisy would stay with permanently, although she did not give him a chain, meaning she can kick his Mohawked ass out any time she pleases.

Think the other guys were happy about this latest development? Um, no. Does Daisy care? No. Do I care? No.

In other news, Chi Chi, that little tiny butt-kissing punk who wears tube socks up to his nuts and berries, was eliminated. Only four left, Flex, 12 Pack, London and Sinister. I predict Sinister is going next, making it two dicks in a row.

Real Chance Of Love 2 is about ready to get the party started (in about a month, anyway) and so it’s time to reveal the cast!

As usual, there are some STOOPID names that the boys have picked for these women, like Hot Wings (?), Apple (??), Baker (???) and Riboon (???????????????).

On the other hand, there are names like Spanish Fly, Mamacita and my personal favorite, Blonde Baller. 

Here is the official press release below, so you don’t think I’m making this up. There really is a good reality TV show starting soon (actually two, if you count Megan’s). 

The Stallionaires are back! VH1’s favorite bachelor brothers Real and Chance are back and still eager to find the fillies of their dreams. Amongst last season’s gasp-worthy moments of secrets revealed about the ladies and Real making the moves on one of Chance’s girl, love proved to be elusive for both eligible bachelors. These former I Love New York contestants are single again and ready to restart the dual search for Ms. Right with a new set of challenges that promise to be both outlandish and true tests for these ladies to prove their hearts belong to Real or Chance. Get ready, it’ll be double the trouble and double the fun when Real Chance of Love 2 premieres Monday, August 3 at 9:00 PM ET/PT.

It’s very possible that the Apocalypse is coming soon, especially with the news that Frank The Entertainer is getting his own reality TV show.

It would be better if he did the show in his parents’ basement but I don’t think that they can fit that many skanks into one split-level home.

Regardless, with Real Chance Of Love 2 on the horizon and Megan’s show as well, we are in for some quality TV come fall season.

Until then, though, we have to suffer with crap shows like Daisy Plus 12-Pack Of Love and Charm School with (insert washed-up talk show host here).

There is no doubt, however, that Frank will bring the entertainment, as he always has, to this show. If you think Megan is brutal, you haven’t seen anything yet with this guy.

The only way this show would be an epic fail is if the VH1 producers do something dumb like the MTV execs did when they gave that other Italiano, Dominic from Tila Tequila, his own show and turned the set into one big Italian ristorante. Here’s the details below.

VH1 and the Producers who brought you I LOVE MONEY, I LOVE NEW YORK, REAL CHANCE OF LOVE, FOR THE LOVE OF RAY J and ROCK OF LOVE bring you THE ENTERTAINER OF LOVE.

VH1’s favorite 30-year-old-who-lives-with-his-parents is getting his own show! Frank, better known as THE ENTERTAINER, will live, with, romance and date over 15 girls in his search to find that one true love and all under the watchful eye of his mom and dad!

Hey, you marry the Frank…you marry the family!

Producers are looking for sexy, single women who have a big heart and big personality to live in a house and compete for the love of THE ENTERTAINER.

The fans have spoken and America wants to see more of THE ENTERTAINER!

Please email us your:

• Name
• Age
• City and state where you live
• Phone number
• Email address
• A recent PHOTO
• A brief bio telling us: 1) Who you are AND 2) Why you would be the perfect girl for THE ENTERTAINER.

Send email to TheEntertainer@IconicCasting.com

Auditions will be held in the following locations:

LOS ANGELES, CA
CHICAGO, IL
NEW YORK, NY
JERSEY SHORE, NJ
ATLANTA, GA
PHOENIX, AZ
BOSTON, MA
LAS VEGAS, NV

ALL APPLICANTS MUST BE 21+ by Sept