REALITY TV CIRCUS

Laurie was the odds-on favorite to win the new reality TV show She’s Got The Look on TV Land, but then she went batshit crazy and the rest…well, it’s history.

In fact, I can’t ever recall when somebody stripped down to NOTHING on a reality TV show at an elimination ceremony, but we have definitely broken new ground here.

Whether or not the whole thing was a publicity stunt, it just goes to show that you never really know what people are thinking.

And it’s the reason why I’ll be tuning into this show all season. You’re dealing with women in menopause under pressure. Wow.

Well, Pretty Wicked, the new reality TV show on Oxygen got underway this week, with ten girls vying to win one $50,000 grand prize, if and only if they can find their inner beauty. And it got off to a sensational start, with Ana and her pooch Yogi going home before the show got going.

Ana managed to insult blind people, including the ones selected as “blind dates” for the girls. Then she got mad because she thought the blind guys–who can’t see, by the way–insulted her dog, the fluffball in the second photo.

To make matters worse, she managed to alienate herself from the other girls, which is never a good thing when you’re in a game show. So strike it up to stupidity for Ana and Yogi.

The judges for the series are a vitrual who’s-not of TV. Mia (not Liv!) Tyler, comedian Kyle Cease (???) and Dr.  Jenn Berman comprise the three judges who determine who’s going and staying. I guess they were fresh out of comedians, since they picked Cease. I hear Andrew Dice Clay is available. Hehe. Anyway, Pretty Wicked is pretty entertaining and you should check it out, Tuesdays on Oxygen.

Somebody finally kicked Amber M.’s butt two episodes before the end! Yay!! Unfortunately, it got Aliea and Whitney kicked out of The Bad Girls Club, but it was worth it.

It happened while the girls were vacationing in Cancun, Mexico and doing their usual thing, partying and causing trouble.

The Two Ambers, the only blondes in the house, were up to their usual hijinks, pissing off the Fab Five (you know, the five brunettes) and Amber M was drunk, as usual, starting crap.

Next thing you know, they’re all in the middle of the street outside the nightclub and Amber M is on the ground. What did Amber M think…they wouldn’t kick her while she was down?

So Aliea and Whitney started kicking her and Aliea got her in the face, which is where all the trouble started in the first place, because Amber M went to a doctor complaining of jaw pain, and he gave her some ibuprofen.

The problem was, the doctor had to report it AND the fight was caught on the surveillance cameras at the nightclub. Uh-oh…So the detective on the case went to the hotel the girls were staying at after the fight and told Whitney she was going to jail for her role in the Amber M beatdown.

Um, a Mexican jail? Not good. Anyway, the detective then told her after a few minutes that if she cooperated and left Cancun before any more changes were pressed she wouldn’t have to go to jail. Whew!

Then the producers came in and gave her the bad news: physical violence is not allowed in the club and that she would be going home. The next day, Aliea admitted to also kicking Amber M and she went home on her own accord. What a show! Didn’t see it coming, to be honest, but it’s a nice way to end what has been an irritating season. Nothing can top that, even though there are two episodes left. I can’t wait for the reunion show.

Well, Tanisha paid a visit to The Bad Girls Club and miraculously, nobody got popped, went to jail or heard Tanisha utter those famous words. You know, those famous words that Whitney and Tiffany always use.That’s Boston and Chicago! God, people! LOL Anyway, with Tanisha in the house and Kayla gone, things were gonna get crany, right? Where she’d start saying “Brooklyn” every five seconds, clanging pots and pans together and freaking out. It was gonna be something to remember.Not exactly, since the whole thing was a prank the Two Ambers pulled on the girls in the house. They went to a radio station (above photo) where Tanisha (bottom photo) was doing a show and asked her if she’d join in on the fun. She obliged and the rest was TV history.

Tanisha told the girls in the house what was expected after she arrived. But then, instead of dragging the whole thing out, Tanisha chickened out and told them was just playing! Crap!! I was hoping for some major drama. Now, we just get the usual stuff.

But it was funny. It should have lasted longer than it did, though, for maximum impact. After that episode the girls did their usual thing, picking up drunk frat boys and throwing up in and around the limo. Good times.

You voted and here are the results from the 1st Annual Reality TV Circus Awards.  

And the winners are…

Reality TV Circus Villain…Khalood Bojanowski of “Momma’s Boys.” Could there be any doubt? Come on, already! A racist…in this day and age…thinks it’s okay to say those kinds of things! Appalling!! I stopped watching the show because of her.

Reality TV Circus Comeback Story For The Ages…Brandi M. from “Rock Of Love Charm School.” When you think about how far down the gutter this girl went, into hardcore porn, and then to come back and become a “lady” (sort of) then you really have taken the trip from hell to heaven full-circle.

Reality TV Circus Whore…Pumkin from “Flavor Of Love Charm School.” To be kicked out of a so-called “Charm School,” where at least half of the women were, uh, promiscuous, you would have to be pretty slutty to win this title over say, Angelique, who does that kind of thing for a living.

Reality TV Circus Idiot …Bubbles from “Real Chance Of Love.” Okay, first of all, Bubbles is the Forrest Gump of reality TV. And even though Brian Kehoe is a complete moron, even he would have trouble staying up with Bubbles. Actually, if they bedded one another he would probably choke her in no time flat.

Reality TV Circus Hottie…Milf from “Real Chance Of Love.” I know what my stats say, people, and the NUMBER ONE MOST SEARCHED ITEM IS…(Da-da!) Milf from “Real Chance of Love.” Yes, I know there are people out there who are sick, but this is ridiculous. But you can’t argue with statistics.

Reality TV Circus Beefcake…Punk from “I Love New York 2.” This was a close race, and 12 Pack damned near won it, but in the end Punk’s brains and brawn were too much for the voters. That, and flipping the table over on Chance. That was just funny. The fact he’s been dating Jennifer Hudson probably didn’t hurt his cause, either.

Reality TV Circus Genius…The Entertainer from “I Love Money.” Who else would you vote for? The dude lives in his parent’s house, can’t play a guitar, yet conned millions of people to vote for him and believe he’s a star? What, are you kiddin’ me? Come on! (In thick NY accent)

Reality TV Circus Humanitarian…Real from “I Love Money & Real Chance Of Love.” He’s a nice guy, he’s funny and charming and he nearly won “I Love Money” over some pretty stiff competition. But in the end, he followed his heart, forgot about the money and went with his heart, which ultimately cost him a shot at the money.

Reality TV Circus Top Salesperson…Heather from various VH1 shows. The fact most people know her by her first name is a testament to her popularity. I’ve given it some thought and think it’s because she looks like every other person in your neighborhood. She may be annoying, but she’s in the back of your mind right now.

Reality TV Circus Best Actor goes to…Lacey from various VH1 shows. She is conniving, a Gemini, a redhead to boot and she is as mean as advertised. But she is also intelligent, a caring person and the side you see on TV is the side she chooses to show you. As you saw on Charm School she can show her other side…if she wants to.

Well, that’s all for the 2008 Reality TV Circus Awards. See you next year and thanks for voting!

Welcome to the first annual Reality TV Circus Awards! It’s a battle for the ages! First we gave you our picks for best shows of 2008, now we’re taking it a step further and giving you our picks for best individual performance!

Never in the history of the world has there been such a need for these awards and no other award show can do what the RTV Awards can! We may not have the budget of Perez Hilton, but we can still put on a good awards show at a fraction of the cost! Ever heard of Wal-Mart? OK then.

Vote hard and vote fast!! Vote as many times as you want! Tell us who you think should win and why!! Stuff those ballot boxes!!!! We’re all about cheating here!! Winners will be announced next Sunday on our site!!

Without further adieu, the nominees for the first annual Reality TV Circus Awards are:

Reality TV Circus Villain - White Boy from “I Love Money”; Megan from “Rock of Love Charm School & I Love Money”; Lacey from “Rock of Love 2“; Tailor Made from “I Love New York 2“; Khalood Bojanowski of “Momma’s Boys.”

Reality TV Circus Comeback Story For The Ages - Destiney from “Rock Of Love Charm School”; Brody Jenner from “Bromance”; Chance from “Real Chance Of Love”; Brandi M. from “Rock of Love Charm School”; Corn Fed from “Real Chance Of Love”.

Reality TV Circus Whore - Angelique from “Rock Of Love Charm School”; Heather from “Rock Of Love Charm School”; So Hood from “Real Chance Of Love”; Brandi C. from “I Love Money & Rock of Love Charm School“; Pumkin from “Flavor Of Love Charm School”.

Reality TV Circus Idiot - Bubbles from “Real Chance Of Love”; Jessica from “Rock Of Love Charm School”; Brian Kehoe from “Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency”; Heat from “I Love Money”; Daisy from “Rock Of Love 2”.

Reality TV Circus Hottie - Rabbit from “Real Chance Of Love”; Megan from “Rock Of Love Charm School & I Love Money”; Bubbles from “Real Chance Of Love”; The Ikki Twins from “A Double Shot At Love“; Milf from “Real Chance Of Love”.

Reality TV Circus Beefcake - 12 Pack from “I Love New York 2 & I Love Money”; Heat from “I Love New York 2 & I Love Money”; Buddha from “I Love New York 2”; Matt from “A Double Shot At Love”; “Punk” from “I Love New York 2.”

Reality TV Circus Genius - The Entertainer from “I Love Money”; Hoopz from “I Love Money”; Real from “I Love Money”; Toasteee from “I Love Money & Flavor Of Love Charm School”; Saaphyri from “Flavor Of Love Charm School”; Tawny Kitaen from “Celebrity Rehab 2 With Dr. Drew”.

Reality TV Circus Humanitarian - Real of “Real Chance Of Love & I Love Money”; Gary Busey from “Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew”; Hoopz from “I Love Money”; Rodeo from “Rock of Love 2 & I Love Money & Rock of Love Charm School”; Dr. Drew from “Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew”.

Reality TV Circus Top Salesperson - Heather from “Rock Of Love Charm School & I Love Money”; Rodeo from “I Love Money”; Lacey from “Rock Of Love 2 & Rock Of Love Charm School”; Jeff Conaway from “Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew”; Toasteee from “I Love Money”.

Reality TV Circus Best Actor - Megan from “I Love Money”; Lacey from “Rock Of Love Charm School”; Rabbit from “Real Chance Of Love”; Tailor Made from “I Love New York 2”; Brian Kehoe from “Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency”.

VOTE NOW!

When it came to the best reality TV shows of 2008, more was definitely more! All the shows we selected had something that was infinitely better than the other competitors, whether it was better acting, more drama or just plain likeability. The top show of 2008 will surprise some, but not all, for it had everything a reality TV show could want…and then some.

So counting down from No. 5 to No. 1 we’ll outline all of our picks for Best of 2008. First we’re gonna name five more shows that get an “Honorable Mention” and a brief word.

Honorable Mention

10. Snoop Dogg’s Fatherhood - Who knew David Beckham would be playing soccer with Snoop? Or that Snoop and his family lived somewhere other than Hollywood? Well, folks, they do and they’re OK with it. It had the tendency to be a bit like The Osbournes, which is still the standard to which everything is judged in reality TV. But some of it sounded made up, too.

9. The Girls Next Door - Even though everyone wants to see what is really going on at the Playboy Mansion, the truth is you really don’t get to see what goes on. For one, two-thirds of the “Girls” are college grads, which means they probably know something about keeping a public image. And you can bet Hef does, else he wouldn’t have been as successful as he has been. On the believeable scale, it’s a 5.

8. Bromance with Brody Jenner - It just started this past week, which barely qualifies it for inclusion in this year’s list. It may have a chance to win it all next year; that’s how good this show is. I don’t know what it is that makes this show great, but it’s a cross between Old School, Animal House and The Hills with some really goofy contestants/frat boys that make it all worthwhile. And the Brodester is known for causing his own brand of trouble, so you know it’s only gonna get better than watching eight guys sweat it out in a hottub at the elimination ceremony.

7. Operacion Repo - This little-known TruTV staple should be on one of the bigger networks, but it’s not. Always one of our go-to shows for the week (but not yet shown on RTV Circus, my bad!) it stars a repossession company out of the San Fernando Valley, their often-hilarious attempts to repossess anything with an engine and the hired muscle named Matt Burch (top photo). In my opinion, Matt is the show. The other co-stars/repo geniuses are great, too, especially Froylan Tercero, but they aren’t Matt, the dude who always wears the 80’s Levi shorts with his ‘roid-infused physique.

6. Rock of Love Charm School - The only reason “Charm School” didn’t get higher marks is because it had to go up against I Love Money and Rock Of Love 2 on VH1. From the insane spitting incident involving Brandi C., a wad of whatever and the horror on Destiney’s face after she was spat upon (priceless) to the ridiculous stunt Lacey pulled (acting normal) to try to win the $100,000 the show was a hit, even after the show technically ended. You see, Sharon nearly pulled Megan’s hair out at the reunion show when Megan called her a hanger-on because she’s married to Ozzy.

The Best of the Best

5. Keeping Up With The Kardashians - You may think Kim steals the show with her one prized asset (that would be her ass) but you would be wrong in your assumption. The reason the show is such a hit is because ALL of the Kardashians are entertaining! Sarcastic as the day is long, the sisters (bottom photo) are always up to no good, whether they’re running the family business (a boutique) or jetting to Vegas for a quickie marriage foiled at the last minute or putting up calendars of Kim’s naughty bits on accident (Heh).

4. Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency - They may not hold eliminations, per se, but Janice does run a tight ship and you’d better not show an inch of cellulite! Janice is like that annoying, micro-managing boss that is always in everyone’s business, whether she’s arranging dates for her son (and co-boss) Nathan, or she’s giving the finger to some underwear line from Australia (actually happened) or fighting off the temptation to kill one of her underlings (Brian Kehoe) who is annoying her to the point of distraction. Or we could talk about the fact she’s at every shoot her models do and often was included (40 or not!) in that shoot. She is one-of-a-kind and sadly there will never be another like her. (Sorry Tyra!)

3. Rock Of Love 2 - What has more testosterone, silicone and methylethylthiazolinone than any other show? That’s right, tettones! There is more fake to ROL 2 than any show on God’s green earth and the reason is simple. That’s the way the show’s producers and Michaels want it. That said, there really isn’t any other show I can remember that stays true to its format and never strays from the usual Mud Bowl/Tour Bus/Fake Boobs/Strip Tease persona. It loves being raunchy, racy and sexy. And that’s why it’s bound to stay another several years. It’s like all those bad heavy metal ballads from the 80’s. There really isn’t anything to them (except for sexual overtones), but they sound good and they look great!

2. Real Chance Of Love - I was not excited when I first heard Real and Chance were gonna have their own show. But you know what? Out of all the reality TV shows on the air, it’s actually the most realistic! That surprised me, since Chance came across as the most fakeass person on I Love New York since New York. Real always had a heart of gold and so I knew he would be more sincere in his search for Miss Right. But Real and Chance have fought over the same girls at times, acted like brothers do and basically created enough drama that several ladies may even get their own shows. Milf was a hit, as was So Hood and who can forget Bubbles? Then there’s Rabbit…and Stalker…and the list goes on and on…

1. I Love Money - Never in the history of reality TV has there been a show as conniving, entertaining and mysterious as I Love Money. The premise was this: take 20 former reality TV stars in a boat to an island in Mexico, drop them off at a mansion, give them a host to keep order (or try to) and offer money to the winner at the end of the show! Who can beat that? When you add people like Real, Chance, The Entertainer (who is back for season 2, BTW), Destiney, Megan and the self=-proclaimed Godfather, White Boy you know you have a show. I’m so excited for season 2! It was must-see TV every week and that show will spawn many other shows, for starters Real and Chance’s and Megan’s shows.

On the 12^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…A subscription to cable TV! Just think…if you didn’t have access to cable TV, whether it was Time Warner or Comcast or whatever your regional carrier is, you wouldn’t be able to enjoy all the programming on VH1, MTV, E!, Oxygen and even TruTV! I wouldn’t have been able to see Megan’s dog Lili!! (pictured above.) I’m sure I’m forgetting somebody, but without that access, I’d be stuck watching Survivor or The Amazing Race. Of course we all know VH1 reality TV is eons better than anything on CBS…it’s our little secret. LOL

On the 11^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…A remote for my cable TV! Without the remote you wouldn’t have an opportunity to watch cable TV from your couch or recliner, unless you had a really long stick with which to move the buttons up and down on your TV set. If you’re really fortunate your cable provider will supply you with one. Otherwise, it’s off to Target or Wal-Mart or Vann’s.

On the 10^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…A million visitors to Reality TV Circus! I know that’s asking a lot since I just started this blog, but I’m thinking big here, okay? Imagine the amount of money I’d make if I could somehow pull in that many visitors. The other thing is I’m well aware my wife won’t be able to help me attract that many visitors. That is up to me. But hey, if you know some people who would like to contribute to my dream, all the better for me and Reality TV Circus!

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…a vaccine capable of fighting off my allergies to cats! Of course this is something Heather could have used on Rock Of Love Charm School, since she was always fighting allergic reactions to animals. And even though Brandi M. faked being allergic Sharon didn’t hold it against her and she still won Charm School.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…eight maids a-cleaning. These stars are so busy plotting evil they hardly have time to tidy up their own roomks. After watching how trashed some of these mansions become after just a few days of living it up and drinking until you can’t stand up, I think it’s obvious that many of them need a few maids. The less clothing the better.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me…the entire DVD set of Flavor Of Love! By far the best reality TV show ever produced, the hip-hop pioneer and wannabe black Casanova set the bar high for all of the other pretenders, employing whacked-out costumes as well as unique individuals and creating a brand that has literally stood the test of time. They will be talking about Flavor Of Love in 50 years as the catalyst to an entirely new genre of reality TV. It has spawned other shows and created other stars, such as New York.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…six dudes a-laying. It goes without saying that without sex in the equation, reality TV nowadays would be about as enjoyable as a game show without Vanna White. Think about what I’m saying here; everyone knows the shows the get the best ratings are the ones in which a lady (usually a former or current dancer of some sort) is giving a guy a lap dance.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…five golden bling! Flav started it all, but you even see the ladies sporting that bling! Kendra from Girls Next Door is always flashing something shiny and a few ladies have been known to show off their flashy jewelry. Now Real and Chance have taken blingin’ to a whole new level, macking out their rides as well as themselves.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…four bleeped words! During one segment of Real Chance of Love and in a five-minute span I counted 44 words bleeped out by editors. Thank God for editing, else some of these shows might carry an NC-17 rating!

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me…three French kisses! Of course that’s nothing compared to some of these shows. The amount of Frenching New York has done with some of her male suitors is downright ridiculous! The mmm’s and ahhhh’s are also way overdone.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me…two spitting lungs. From the depths of whatever came two shots heard around the water cooler. I’m talking about Pumkin showering New York with a surprising bath and then Brandi C. letting loose of some gummy substance sticking to Destiney’s face! Ewwww…nasty, but definitely something that gets the ratings.

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…a bit part on reality TV. Obviously we hold these reality TV stars in the highest regard; otherwise we wouldn’t talk about them so often. In what is the most entertaining aspect of this highly-evolving business, it’s just like Forrest Gump once said…you never know what you’re gonna get. And that’s what’s so great about reality TV. That and the conniving, backstabbing, heart-shattering nature of the whole thing. It’s like being on a roller-coaster without ever stopping. So enjoy the thrill ride and Happy Holidays from Reality TV Circus!

It was only a matter of time before the Bad Girls Club returned. And they returned with a vengeance, finding their “dwelling” locked when they arrived in L.A. So they did what any socially challenged misfit would do…they busted a window and entered that way. Did you expect them to call a locksmith?

Normally that’s called breaking and entering, but in the case of the Bad Girls Club it’s just doing what comes naturally. This season already looks promising, with the two Ambers (pic is above), namely Amber M., who is about as dumb as Bubbles on Real Chance Of Love…except she’s a full-blooded American and a blonde.

So she really has no excuse for being so stupid, right? The other Amber, Amber B. is more mellow than Amber M. (but who isn’t?). Then there’s Whitney, who refers to her native Boston the way last year’s Bad Girl referred to Brooklyn and that’s way too often for my taste! Then you’ve got Aliea, the chief trouble maker in the house and Sarah, the Playboy model. Tiffany is largely overshadowed by the others, because she’s more laid back.

Rounding out the mistresses of mayhem we have Kayla from Compton, who is already the most hated person in the house. She arrived last at the mansion, and started a fight immediately with Amber M., dividing the house into two groups…everyone else and the two Ambers.

Then she and Amber M. started throwing drinks on each other (picture proof above) after the two Ambers were eavesdropping outside the other girls‘ door and confronted them. And if that wasn’t enough, we watched all the girls get kicked out of two clubs…and this was only their first night in the house!

One nice thing about this season on the Bad Girls Club is that you can enter a photo caption contest every week…and have a chance to win some prizes! Click on the ad to your right and give it your best shot! One thing’s for sure, nobody knows what is gonna happen next on the Bad Girls Club.

Coolio decided to go to Italy to go shoot a video. His kids were to be watched by Coolio’s sister (above photo in red necklace) until he got back, but you know how those kids are…they’re spoiled brats! So Coolio took off for Venice for a music video shoot while his kids (minus Artis, who was with him in Italy) were stuck at home.

Coolio did leave them his credit card (why, I have no idea!) and his sister. After several days of being away Coolio phoned his kids in California to tell them he wouldn’t be back by the time he’d originally told his sister.

But the little punks didn’t get that message to Coolio’s sister! And why would they; they actually had to do work around the house, including chores like cleaning their rooms…Imagine that! The nerve of this lady!! LOL

So once Coolio’s sister left the girls had a great idea…use Daddy’s credit card to throw a party! They decided they would charge $2.00 at the door (brought back memories of that punk paperboy kid…”I want my $2.00!”). But in order to impress the neighborhood they would need new clothes.

Soooo…guess where Daddy’s credit card went? Yep, to the clothes and the three girls went on a shopping spree, courtesy of Daddy. So the party went off without a hitch, there were tons of people and the girls collected about $200.

But at the party two idiots (guys roaming around the house where they shouldn’t have been) knocked down the platinum record keepsake from “Gangster’s Paradise,” which is basically priceless. So after the party the girls figured that unless they wanted to see their next birthday, they had better get it fixed. They took it to a local art dealer, who told them it would cost $225.

This was the funniest part of the show by far, since the girls had to fork over their $2 covers they charged everyone for the party, for the record. They got it fixed just in time for Daddy’s arrival from Italy and thought it would be a great idea to go on a double date.

So they did, taking Daddy’s credit card with them. Once Coolio got to the house and caught wind of what was happening (little Jackie told him), he jumped in his Hummer and high-tailed it to the restaurant where the cozy couples were eating.

He confiscated the card and made the two boys on the date pay. This episode was by far the best yet. Agreed? I hope they renew this show for another season. The last episode is next week.