REALITY TV CIRCUS

Lawyers and siblings Tammy and Victor Jih from California won Amazing Race 14 last night in Maui, overcoming NFL cheerleaders Cara and Jamie, as well as the feel-good story of the show, deaf Luke Adams and his mother Margie.

Luke and Margie left Beijing for Maui in control, heading into a road block in first place. But that’s when it started to unravel, as Luke had trouble matching all 12 surf boards to their respective task.

Victor was chosen to finish the road block and did so with relative ease, surpassing Luke into first place. Leading up the pack were Cara and Jaime, and Jaime chose to help Luke finish the road block but both were well behind Tammy and Victor heading into the finish.

It was a remarkable race for both Luke and Margie, mainly because Luke is the first deaf person in the race’s history. But it was also special for Tammy and Victor, both of whom had trouble communicating during the early legs of the race, but used their wits to become a force as the race went on.

Tammy and Victor are now winners of the $1 million grand prize.

You voted and here are the results from the 1st Annual Reality TV Circus Awards.  

And the winners are…

Reality TV Circus Villain…Khalood Bojanowski of “Momma’s Boys.” Could there be any doubt? Come on, already! A racist…in this day and age…thinks it’s okay to say those kinds of things! Appalling!! I stopped watching the show because of her.

Reality TV Circus Comeback Story For The Ages…Brandi M. from “Rock Of Love Charm School.” When you think about how far down the gutter this girl went, into hardcore porn, and then to come back and become a “lady” (sort of) then you really have taken the trip from hell to heaven full-circle.

Reality TV Circus Whore…Pumkin from “Flavor Of Love Charm School.” To be kicked out of a so-called “Charm School,” where at least half of the women were, uh, promiscuous, you would have to be pretty slutty to win this title over say, Angelique, who does that kind of thing for a living.

Reality TV Circus Idiot …Bubbles from “Real Chance Of Love.” Okay, first of all, Bubbles is the Forrest Gump of reality TV. And even though Brian Kehoe is a complete moron, even he would have trouble staying up with Bubbles. Actually, if they bedded one another he would probably choke her in no time flat.

Reality TV Circus Hottie…Milf from “Real Chance Of Love.” I know what my stats say, people, and the NUMBER ONE MOST SEARCHED ITEM IS…(Da-da!) Milf from “Real Chance of Love.” Yes, I know there are people out there who are sick, but this is ridiculous. But you can’t argue with statistics.

Reality TV Circus Beefcake…Punk from “I Love New York 2.” This was a close race, and 12 Pack damned near won it, but in the end Punk’s brains and brawn were too much for the voters. That, and flipping the table over on Chance. That was just funny. The fact he’s been dating Jennifer Hudson probably didn’t hurt his cause, either.

Reality TV Circus Genius…The Entertainer from “I Love Money.” Who else would you vote for? The dude lives in his parent’s house, can’t play a guitar, yet conned millions of people to vote for him and believe he’s a star? What, are you kiddin’ me? Come on! (In thick NY accent)

Reality TV Circus Humanitarian…Real from “I Love Money & Real Chance Of Love.” He’s a nice guy, he’s funny and charming and he nearly won “I Love Money” over some pretty stiff competition. But in the end, he followed his heart, forgot about the money and went with his heart, which ultimately cost him a shot at the money.

Reality TV Circus Top Salesperson…Heather from various VH1 shows. The fact most people know her by her first name is a testament to her popularity. I’ve given it some thought and think it’s because she looks like every other person in your neighborhood. She may be annoying, but she’s in the back of your mind right now.

Reality TV Circus Best Actor goes to…Lacey from various VH1 shows. She is conniving, a Gemini, a redhead to boot and she is as mean as advertised. But she is also intelligent, a caring person and the side you see on TV is the side she chooses to show you. As you saw on Charm School she can show her other side…if she wants to.

Well, that’s all for the 2008 Reality TV Circus Awards. See you next year and thanks for voting!

Welcome to the first annual Reality TV Circus Awards! It’s a battle for the ages! First we gave you our picks for best shows of 2008, now we’re taking it a step further and giving you our picks for best individual performance!

Never in the history of the world has there been such a need for these awards and no other award show can do what the RTV Awards can! We may not have the budget of Perez Hilton, but we can still put on a good awards show at a fraction of the cost! Ever heard of Wal-Mart? OK then.

Vote hard and vote fast!! Vote as many times as you want! Tell us who you think should win and why!! Stuff those ballot boxes!!!! We’re all about cheating here!! Winners will be announced next Sunday on our site!!

Without further adieu, the nominees for the first annual Reality TV Circus Awards are:

Reality TV Circus Villain - White Boy from “I Love Money”; Megan from “Rock of Love Charm School & I Love Money”; Lacey from “Rock of Love 2“; Tailor Made from “I Love New York 2“; Khalood Bojanowski of “Momma’s Boys.”

Reality TV Circus Comeback Story For The Ages - Destiney from “Rock Of Love Charm School”; Brody Jenner from “Bromance”; Chance from “Real Chance Of Love”; Brandi M. from “Rock of Love Charm School”; Corn Fed from “Real Chance Of Love”.

Reality TV Circus Whore - Angelique from “Rock Of Love Charm School”; Heather from “Rock Of Love Charm School”; So Hood from “Real Chance Of Love”; Brandi C. from “I Love Money & Rock of Love Charm School“; Pumkin from “Flavor Of Love Charm School”.

Reality TV Circus Idiot - Bubbles from “Real Chance Of Love”; Jessica from “Rock Of Love Charm School”; Brian Kehoe from “Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency”; Heat from “I Love Money”; Daisy from “Rock Of Love 2”.

Reality TV Circus Hottie - Rabbit from “Real Chance Of Love”; Megan from “Rock Of Love Charm School & I Love Money”; Bubbles from “Real Chance Of Love”; The Ikki Twins from “A Double Shot At Love“; Milf from “Real Chance Of Love”.

Reality TV Circus Beefcake - 12 Pack from “I Love New York 2 & I Love Money”; Heat from “I Love New York 2 & I Love Money”; Buddha from “I Love New York 2”; Matt from “A Double Shot At Love”; “Punk” from “I Love New York 2.”

Reality TV Circus Genius - The Entertainer from “I Love Money”; Hoopz from “I Love Money”; Real from “I Love Money”; Toasteee from “I Love Money & Flavor Of Love Charm School”; Saaphyri from “Flavor Of Love Charm School”; Tawny Kitaen from “Celebrity Rehab 2 With Dr. Drew”.

Reality TV Circus Humanitarian - Real of “Real Chance Of Love & I Love Money”; Gary Busey from “Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew”; Hoopz from “I Love Money”; Rodeo from “Rock of Love 2 & I Love Money & Rock of Love Charm School”; Dr. Drew from “Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew”.

Reality TV Circus Top Salesperson - Heather from “Rock Of Love Charm School & I Love Money”; Rodeo from “I Love Money”; Lacey from “Rock Of Love 2 & Rock Of Love Charm School”; Jeff Conaway from “Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew”; Toasteee from “I Love Money”.

Reality TV Circus Best Actor - Megan from “I Love Money”; Lacey from “Rock Of Love Charm School”; Rabbit from “Real Chance Of Love”; Tailor Made from “I Love New York 2”; Brian Kehoe from “Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency”.

VOTE NOW!

On the 12^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…A subscription to cable TV! Just think…if you didn’t have access to cable TV, whether it was Time Warner or Comcast or whatever your regional carrier is, you wouldn’t be able to enjoy all the programming on VH1, MTV, E!, Oxygen and even TruTV! I wouldn’t have been able to see Megan’s dog Lili!! (pictured above.) I’m sure I’m forgetting somebody, but without that access, I’d be stuck watching Survivor or The Amazing Race. Of course we all know VH1 reality TV is eons better than anything on CBS…it’s our little secret. LOL

On the 11^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…A remote for my cable TV! Without the remote you wouldn’t have an opportunity to watch cable TV from your couch or recliner, unless you had a really long stick with which to move the buttons up and down on your TV set. If you’re really fortunate your cable provider will supply you with one. Otherwise, it’s off to Target or Wal-Mart or Vann’s.

On the 10^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…A million visitors to Reality TV Circus! I know that’s asking a lot since I just started this blog, but I’m thinking big here, okay? Imagine the amount of money I’d make if I could somehow pull in that many visitors. The other thing is I’m well aware my wife won’t be able to help me attract that many visitors. That is up to me. But hey, if you know some people who would like to contribute to my dream, all the better for me and Reality TV Circus!

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…a vaccine capable of fighting off my allergies to cats! Of course this is something Heather could have used on Rock Of Love Charm School, since she was always fighting allergic reactions to animals. And even though Brandi M. faked being allergic Sharon didn’t hold it against her and she still won Charm School.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…eight maids a-cleaning. These stars are so busy plotting evil they hardly have time to tidy up their own roomks. After watching how trashed some of these mansions become after just a few days of living it up and drinking until you can’t stand up, I think it’s obvious that many of them need a few maids. The less clothing the better.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me…the entire DVD set of Flavor Of Love! By far the best reality TV show ever produced, the hip-hop pioneer and wannabe black Casanova set the bar high for all of the other pretenders, employing whacked-out costumes as well as unique individuals and creating a brand that has literally stood the test of time. They will be talking about Flavor Of Love in 50 years as the catalyst to an entirely new genre of reality TV. It has spawned other shows and created other stars, such as New York.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…six dudes a-laying. It goes without saying that without sex in the equation, reality TV nowadays would be about as enjoyable as a game show without Vanna White. Think about what I’m saying here; everyone knows the shows the get the best ratings are the ones in which a lady (usually a former or current dancer of some sort) is giving a guy a lap dance.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…five golden bling! Flav started it all, but you even see the ladies sporting that bling! Kendra from Girls Next Door is always flashing something shiny and a few ladies have been known to show off their flashy jewelry. Now Real and Chance have taken blingin’ to a whole new level, macking out their rides as well as themselves.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…four bleeped words! During one segment of Real Chance of Love and in a five-minute span I counted 44 words bleeped out by editors. Thank God for editing, else some of these shows might carry an NC-17 rating!

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me…three French kisses! Of course that’s nothing compared to some of these shows. The amount of Frenching New York has done with some of her male suitors is downright ridiculous! The mmm’s and ahhhh’s are also way overdone.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me…two spitting lungs. From the depths of whatever came two shots heard around the water cooler. I’m talking about Pumkin showering New York with a surprising bath and then Brandi C. letting loose of some gummy substance sticking to Destiney’s face! Ewwww…nasty, but definitely something that gets the ratings.

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…a bit part on reality TV. Obviously we hold these reality TV stars in the highest regard; otherwise we wouldn’t talk about them so often. In what is the most entertaining aspect of this highly-evolving business, it’s just like Forrest Gump once said…you never know what you’re gonna get. And that’s what’s so great about reality TV. That and the conniving, backstabbing, heart-shattering nature of the whole thing. It’s like being on a roller-coaster without ever stopping. So enjoy the thrill ride and Happy Holidays from Reality TV Circus!

Brother/sister Brother/sister tandem Nick & Starr won the 13^th edition of The Amazing Race this evening, barely outlasting ex-NFL star Ken & his estranged wife Tina, as well as the frat brothers Andrew & Dan.

The frat boys were surprise finalists (even they thought so) and at the finish Ken gave Tina a promise ring, despite being separated for some time before they made the decision to enter The Amazing Race. So in a matter of speaking, both the frat bros and Ken & Tina won, even though they lost the race.

Nick & Starr were strong competitors throughout, with Nick being the more level-headed of the two and Starr (an ex-Dallas Cowboys cheerleader) the more boisterous. But the combination worked, as Starr used her ultra-competitive nature and tireless spirit to carry her (and her brother) through the early rounds.

But it was obvious that even she was tiring, particularly in the last two rounds when brother Nick had to persuade her several times to keep battling. The race was dead even at the pit stop in Moscow, Russia prior to the racers receiving word that they’d be headed to Portland, Oregon for the final leg.

At the outset of the Portland leg, though, Nick & Starr pulled ahead, only to find that Ken & Tina were closing in about halfway through, after they had successfully traversed the Bridge Of The Gods and a zip line overlooking the Columbia River that led them to a clearing.

At the clearing the two teams found 150 boxes filled with postcards of places they’d been in the race. Their final task was to match the postcards in order of where they had traveled. At this point Ken & Tina were in the lead.

However, Nick & Starr gained ground quickly on the couple during the challenging “memory work” phase of the competition and actually took the lead going into the last portion of the Detour, never relinquishing it and winning the $1 million prize as they ran to the finish line, where all of the competitors awaited them. The frat boys were well behind the two other teams and finished in last place.