REALITY TV CIRCUS

Well, we are finally at the end of The Cougar on TV Land. And what a memorable show it has been. In fact, it’s kind of replaced the lack of VH1 reality shows on this season, unless you count that flop Daisy Of Love. Heh.

So The Cougar Stacey sent Travis (above photo) home last night, probably a few weeks too late but you can’t win them all, you know. Travis was considerably younger than the other two contestants, and The Cougar probably didn’t wanna double her age with that guy.

And that leaves us with Colt and Jimmy (below photos), two dudes that are almost 20 years younger than The Cougar but not quite. Who should win the show? I think Jimmy has it in the bag, as long as he can explain his situation with the girlfriend shooting a movie. Hmm…

In case you didn’t know, Real Chance of Love 2 begins in August. And the boys are out pimpin’ their show, currently in production.

They revealed a few cast names, like Hot Wings, for example. All I know is things are about to get crazy up in this bee-otch.

And you can tell that just by watching the interview they did with Chelsea Lately. Watch it above!

People are already pissed off about this show even being on the air, which means this will be one of the must watch reality TV shows of the summer.

And it kicks off Sunday, August 2. But why should I tell you about the show? Here’s the information from the horse’s mouth, VH1:

Blonde bombshell and “celebreality” vixen, Megan Hauserman is looking for love — but not with any average Joe. Megan has her eye, mind and heart set on one type of man…a millionaire! Unfortunately, Megan’s had her heart broken by Bret Michaels in Rock of Love 2 and lost out on the $250,000 check in I Love Money. But now she’s back with vengeance to find both love and money with the goal of becoming the ultimate trophy wife. This summer, Megan will put 18 millionaires to the test as they compete for her affection in Megan Wants a Millionaire, premiering Sunday, August 2, 2009.

Megan’s millionaire suitors will compete in challenges ranging from going head to head in a high roller Las Vegas tournament to shelling out money in a date auction. Whoever wins the challenge, will win a date with Megan. But, it won’t just be any date. The millionaires will be given the chance to “upgrade” their date. How about driving Megan to dinner in an Aston Martin, instead of an Escalade? Or why not take a helicopter ride to Catalina Island instead of the ferry? One by one, Megan will eliminate the guys who can’t shell out the dough, until the ultimate millionaire is left.

Heh. Uh, so basically the show will be about a trainwreck wearing a tankini everywhere, who is a goldigger. What’s next? A show about exploiting children?? VH1 has really outdone themselves this time, and I’ll bet this show will be a hit.

Remember high school when you had people dropping out all the time? Usually, they smoked cigarettes–and other things–behind the buildings because they thought they were so cool.

Anyway, a similar thing happened last night on Charm School With Ricki Lake when So Hood, in grief because her friend KiKi was expelled, decided to leave.

In her view it was a “black thing.” Whatever. I think it was more of a “I don’t wanna shovel s*** for $100,000″ thing, but that’s just my take. You don’t see Bay Bay Bay, for example, saying anything about race. She’s there for the money.

Everybody is, otherwise they wouldn’t put themselves through these kinds of humiliating challenges on national TV. So for So Hood to say it’s a race thing is just dumb.

But So Hood wasn’t the only one to drop out. Oh no she was not! Farrah, little Miss What The French from Rock Of Love Bus, also decided to go back to stripping instead of winning the $100,000.

She said she just couldn’t take the yelling from the other girls. So that narrows things down to one in the “Blondtourage,” and that’s Ashley.

 Ashley is fixated on bettering herself, um, I mean, winning the $100,000 and so nothing, not even Farrah leaving, will deter her from that.

At this week’s challenge–after two people had already quit and left–the remaining women went to a senior citizens home to try to make a difference.

Brittaney Star was recognized for her uh, work in the motion picture industry by one of the guys. It’s always nice to be known, even if it’s in porn, right?

Bay Bay Bay won the challenge because of her ability to reach the old folks. Ahh, how sweet. (Barfs)

Anyway, at eliminations, it was Brttanya, Brittaney Star (again!) and Bubbles. I can understand the first two, but Bubbles? Why was she up there?

They should have given Bubbles her own show, instead of Daisy. Now THAT would have gotten VH1 some ratings. I will be severely disappointed if they send Bubbles home, but they didn’t. Nobody went home, because two already dropped out.

So, it’s on to next week, where the ladies work with children. Heh. That should be interesting. Wonder if anyone will recognize Brittaney Star from her films.

Supposed frontrunner Cage quit the show, leaving us with whoever is willing to stay on, I guess.

This show has been a trainwreck from the word go, with more people quitting than ever. But one guy has stayed the course, and that’s 12 Pack.

As you can see from the photo above, he is not only into Daisy, he’s into himself. A lot. But he’s got to be considered the frontrunner.

So is Fox, on the other team, as the two groups battle it out for the right to be on Daisy’s album cover.

But like 12 Pack, Fox craves the limelight so he too jumps in the picture, even though he was supposed to be his team’s hairdresser.

Then after Fox won the solo date with Daisy–even though he’s probably gay…just a hunch–a skunk the producers possibly planted in the house appeared and sprayed the living shit out of 12 Pack.

As you can see from the picture above, the only way to get rid of a skunk smell is with tomato juice.

Oh, yeah, and Cage got kicked out for being a drunk with a bad temper. Had he stayed, somebody could have died, since next week is the fighting challenge, and Cage is a professional cage fighter, hence the nickname.

But in all actuality he would have gotten his ass kicked by Flex, so it’s good he went home with his tail between his legs anyway.

KiKi was sent home from Charm School because Ricki Lake and the other schoolmarms thought she was a bad influence on the others.

What about all those hags from the Blondtourage? What are they?? Ashley found herself down on the carpet for the third time in a row, bringing a whole new meaning to the word threesome, except this time she actually wanted to be on the carpet.

This episode was classic, as Ricki had the girls cleaning the L.A. River. Heh. But hey, look at the bright side: at least they won’t catch anything they already have cleaning the filthiest depository/canal in the country.

Then after the girls returned from their community service project, the Blondtourage locked Brittany Star in the bathroom. Was it nice? No. Funny? Yes, but it caused Ashley to be sent to detention.

Other than that, you can still see a rift between the Rock Of Love girls and the Real Chance of Love girls and now that KiKi’s outta there, maybe they’ll actually be able to fix their differences. Maybe.

Another episode of Daisy Of Love, another person quits the show. This time it was London, a dude who got kicked out of his parents’ house and somehow made it on the show, only to quit because Daisy wasn’t a good listener. Heh. Does it count if she’s a good kisser of many men?

Um, apparently, no. Anyway, with all the guys quitting the show Daisy is now becoming the Ray-J of reality shows, except she has fake boobs.

But you can tell she’s really into these guys, though. She couldn’t even finish her elimination ceremony after London said he was done with the show, because she was so torn up over it.

And as you can tell from the pictures above, she’s acting a little desperate with some of these guys. Does she really think she’s gonna find someone out of these guys?

What pissed me off is that she gave London a guitar after he told her he lost his and so basically, in my mind, London used her to get a new guitar. Personally, he should shove it up his ass.

I can’t wait for the reunion show when that guy comes back. He’s headed for a beatdown on national TV. Anyway, it looks like 12 Pack is making some headway, especially now that London is out of the picture.

The Cougar has narrowed her search down to four eligible young men on the highly controversial but entertaining show on TV Land.

First of all, the uber-young Colt and Travis are still around, but they’re getting some stiff competition from Jimmy (above photo), who gets horny if a cool breeze is blowing.

Watching Jimmy seduce The Cougar is like watching soft core on Cinemax, without the cheesy music and/or groans.

But before that all started, the six remaining in the house had to kiss The Cougar…while she was blindfolded. Meow! The two best kissers would then go on a date with our coug.

Jimmy basically stuck his tongue all the way down her throat but she liked it, naturally. And she even liked Jon, even though he got the boot at the end of the date.

And she also sent the waiter from Boston packing, so four to go.

It didn’t take long, about 15 minutes in my estimation for someone to get sloppy drunk and make an ass out of themselves on national TV.

That person was Beverly from Rock Of Love Bus, who ripped the crap out of Brittaney (porn star) and left her blond weave hanging half off after Brittaney called her a bad mother. That, and then choking the porn queen led to her dismissal from Charm School.

Sooo…Beverly down, 13 more to go. Then the girls went to donate their items and–naturally–Gia didn’t give up much for charity, in this case, an organization for HIV-AIDS sufferers. But KO donated her whole suitcase, showing the others that it’s OK not to be a bitch sometimes.

Speaking of bitches, there weren’t many last night, as all seem to be on their best behavior to try and win the money.

All except for Gia (above photo), who honestly couldn’t stand up. That and her public displays of bitchiness led to her dismissal. Probably saying she had sugardaddies on the side had something to do with it, too.

But before you go thinking that Brittaney the porn star wasn’t in the bottom three, she was. Surprised? Of course not.

And Ashley was also in the bottom three, because her friend Gia has watched too many episodes of I Love Money and thought it was OK to take her friend with her to the carpet. Uh, not on this show. So for those of you counting hot messes at home, that’s Rock of Love Bus 3, Real Chance of Love 0.

Amazingly, though, Farrah, the other “Blondtourage” girl was not in the bottom three. What the French?

So, 12 left in the Charm School and we’ve only just begun…to laugh. Still in the school are Marcia the Brazilian lush, Ashley, Brittaney the porn star and Natasha the tranny. And that’s only four to speak of. There’s So Hood, Bay Bay Bay and others, too. Oh, dear God, what have we gotten ourselves into?

Ah, what a difference a week makes. In TV land, that’s like a month and on Daisy of Love it’s a year. Apparently it didn’t really take time for Brooklyn to decide that it’s time to go back to his psycho girlfriend–you know, the one who called the house 1,000 times last week–and deal with that.

That, and he didn’t want Daisy anyway. And that happened before elimination. Wow. Then, after the paintball hijinks, the boys and Daisy went to a club and the boys got all liquored up, put on their makeup (seriously) and made out with Daisy.

I feel like I might catch an STD just writing about this stuff, but oh well. After the club the boys all headed back to the mansion and Tool Box kept running his mouth, and putting his hands all over the other guys (pic proof above). A little weird, yeah, but it’s TV.

So on to elimination. Daisy booted Cable Guy and was all set to keep Tool Box until Flex spoke up and outed Tool Box for something the tool said about Daisy when he was drunk (pic proof above).

You know what they say about alcohol; it is the ultimate common denominator. In Tool Box’s case it was the eliminator and he was sent home too. Daisy was so hurt that she went to her room and cried.

What in the hell is wrong with these guys?