REALITY TV CIRCUS

The buses rolled on last night, over highways, fake boobs sort of bouncing with every stop they made. And one girl, Kali, decided it was time to get off. Whatever; she barely got on the bus to begin with when Bret picked her up at the Hustler club in St. Louis. The other, Kelsey (top photo), decided making love to a speedbump is a good thing, as long as you get to make out with your BFF Farrah first (bottom photo). So both Kali and Kelsey are no longer on this ride.

Let’s revisit how we got to this point shall we? The bus rolled on and stopped at some random truck stop in Tennessee for the first annual Truck Stop Games. That’s a big 10-4 to the girls doing pole dance competitions (duh), going head first on a Slip’n'Slide holding a hot dog (no pun intended…or maybe there was) and feeding it to the hungry trucker judges. The only thing missing in my estimation, was a pissing contest in the men’s urinals which provide little to no privacy. Get the point?

Anyway, no surprise that Kelsey and Farrah’s team won; they were stark naked through half of the competition, but the real shocker came when Taya (middle photo) decided to stop advertising for Penthouse long enough to jump onto the pole, because she’s pretty good at it. Basically, even though she doesn’t wanna admit it, she has been a stripper. So there, Taya, you’re outed.

Later the winning team had a wonderful time when Bret had an amusement park somewhere in Alabama all to himself and he and the girls went on all the rides. Then naturally, since he’s a singer in a band he and all the girls went to his concert.

The winning team got VIP passes and two in particular sat on a couch, Kelsey and Farrah. Except they didn’t really watch the show; they were too busy makng out, which apparently (and I didn’t know this) sets a bad impression on Bret and his crew.

What…now they’re all high-and-mighty? What the hell? Anyway, Kelsey, Farrah and Ashley, the boobsey twins, were so hammered that they said they can hardly remember what happened. But I can.

Kelsey got pissed off after Big John, Bret’s bodyguard told her and Farrah to go to the bus, do not pass go, do not collect any swag. Later after she kinda calmed down and talked to Big John, she freaked out again, smoked a few cigarettes and passed out on a speed bump outside of the club while the concert was still going on.

Then the three drunkards stumbled into elimination. Kelsey was told the road wasn’t the place for her. But she seemed awfully comfortable on that speed bump. The sad part is, she’s from Salt Lake City, my hometown. Thing is, where she’s from (SLC has about 2 million people) would explain alot about what she did. But you know, alcohol is a common denominator. It makes everyone stupid.