REALITY TV CIRCUS

Chardonnay (above photo) had her last drink last night on For The Love Of Ray-J, but I’m damned skippy she got her drink on as soon as she possibly could. For the record, this show is now possibly the most whacked out reality TV show, since Flavor Of Love is not on the air. (But not quite.)

Chardonnay will now go back to stripping and possibly may even learn to read. But probably not. She will also continue drinking, probably heavily. You know what they say, what won’t kill you makes you stronger.

So now, the lie detector test challenge. Ray-J’s sister Brandy showed up. Again. What, can’t he find people who would like to help him in his crusade to find teh most skanky, manipulative broads on the planet?

(Dun-dun-dun…) At the test (um, OK Corral) Danger admitted she’s a little crazy and that she’s physically hit one or more of her boyfriends. Um, duh! I’d also venture to bet she’s been prego before too. Just a hunch…

But the shocker of the evening is that Danger said she would be willing to kill one or more of her competitors. WTF? But Ray-J’s the dumbass who kept her around and so he will now face the consequences of his actions. Maybe.

Cocktail has been a trainwreck from the get-go, too, but at least she isn’t willing to kill anyone in the house. And Unique and Danger hate each other, but who doesn’t hate Danger? I probably hate Danger too, but I damned sure wouldn’t say it to her face, especially after she admitted something like that.

So now we’re down to three (that’s Cocktail, Danger and Unique) in the Ray-J crib, yo. I think Danger, even though she’s the most real in the house, is next to go home. She’s just too clinically insane for even Ray-J. But I’ll bet Ray knows how to kill a bitch.

Cali went home tonight on I Love Money 2 because that snake Tailor Made concocted the dumbest theory I’ve ever heard in the history of the game.

Instead of possibly aligning himself with two alliances and keeping clear of the strong box–which is the aim of the game so you don’t get eliminated–for the foreseeable future, he decided it would be a good idea to get rid of the girl that his biggest rival, 20 Pack, befriendcd. Smart.

Not! Now not only does Tailor Made have a target on his chest with one group, but his own group may be getting a bit leery of him, namely It, who was in the bottom two, even though Myammee is weaker. It is about as turstworthy as he is intelligent, but Saaphyri is on the other alliance and It likes Saaphyri.

So Tailor Made, who was paymaster again, kept his two in his alliance and got rid of Cali, who was in 20 Pack’s alliance. Whatever; doesn’t Tailor know his alliance can’t stay in the game forever?

And now that the challenges are individual, there are tons of strong girls left in the competition, including Becky Buckwild, Angelique and Saaphyri, not to mention Ice and Prancer. I think Tailor’s time on the show will be coming to an end real soon.

Anyway, back to the show. So they had to do a challenge, which involved throwing a dummy under a bus. Heh. Cali lost the challenge and had to go in the box automatically. Then everyone voted It and Myammee in the box. It sang a song to Cali. It is funny, but It is an idiot.

We’re down to nine remaining in the game. Who’s next to go?

If you haven’t seen Tough Love, the new reality dating show on VH1 that pairs a professional matchmaker with seven total dating losers, including a gold digger named Taylor (above photo), a Playboy playmate from Eastern Europe they call Stasha (middle photo) and a stripper from Philly named Arian (bottom photo), you have been missing out!

These girls are more fouled up in their relationships than anyone I’ve ever dated, and that’s saying a mouthful. Steve the matchmaker has his hands full with these women, most of whom think they know everything.

There is Abiola, a proud black woman who thinks she’s really a princess and wears a tiara everywhere; Natasha, who is about as plain Jane as they come; Jody, a girl who talks like a man and acts like one too; and Katelyn, a “Bridezilla” who can’t close the deal despite being a blonde with a rockin’ bod.

Taylor is the class of the bunch, though, a girl with so much baggage that she usually takes up at least two-thirds of every episode. In fact, her photo above may be the best (and classiest) photo ever taken of her.

But the most hilarious thing I’ve seen in the first few weeks of the show happened this week, when Steve urged the girls to let loose and pick out their best sexy clothing for a photo shoot. Heh.

The best photos are above, most of which are blurred out for your safety. But it tells you what Steve is working with and what the guys have to look forward to. (or run for their lives, whichever the case may be)

Apparently Beverly likes to whine as much as she drinks, which, if you didn’t know, was a lot. Anyway, she opened up after being eliminated. To spare you the excuses, we’ll just wrap it up into one tight paragraph.

Basically, she didn’t want to date “Bret the trash man,” so for those of you who thought she was a gold digger like I did, your theory has been realized. Oh, and she did think it was a bad idea to drink on national TV in front of her son. And her son was allowed to watch the show. Wonder what he learned?

So now that that’s out of the way, we’re down to three people on the Rock Of Love Bus, or whatever hotel the bus pulls up at. I think this is Jamie’s week to go; I just think she’s too young and doesn’t know how things really work, even if she’s a groupie and a stripper (two things Bret is also in love with).

Keep in mind, though, that Mindy is on warning, so if she doesn’t step up and make out with Bret she could go home too. Not that any of this means anything; I’m waiting for Rock Of Love Boat, because I don’t think any of these relationships, especially the one with Taya, are gonna go beyond a few dates.

She wowed us with her charm (or lack thereof) on her reality shows, ending up with a clown like Tailor Made for about a month before he started cheating on her.

Then she went to Hollywood to become a movie star. Instead she ended up getting bit parts and Japanese commercials where she drank funky-tasting energy drinks for directors who were crazier than she was.

I guess it’s hard finding work in Tinseltown, because New York will now try to make a living working at different jobs, except there’s a catch to her new series beginning May 4 on VH1.

She will be paid $5,000 if she completes each job successfully. If she doesn’t complete each job and is fired she gets nothing. So, basically, I have some advice for the individual whose one boob poking out of her shirt is now bigger than her head: get out the hardhat, the shovel and start digging a hole to crawl into.

I have a feeling that the bosses at these jobs are gonna see her coming from a mile away. So expect them to give her the dirtiest, nastiest jobs you can think of, especially if they don’t like her. I can’t wait to see this show. It should be even better than New York Goes To Hollywood.

Frank The Entertainer was bounced from I Love Money 2, but he’s taking his second consecutive elimination in stride. He says that he’s cool with everyone on the show, including the snake Tailor Made. WTF?

If I were Frank, I would have made it my life’s ambition to make his life a living hell. Instead, he’s back in his parent’s basement getting yelled at, even though he’s 31 years old.

He adds that he can’t keep dwelling on the past and adds that the “more you fail, the more you accept failure.” Spoken from somebody who would know, I suppose.

Well, he’s now failed three times, if you count I Love New York 2, so the real question is: how much failure can one man take? Can somebody please get this guy his own TV show, so he can pretend he’s having some success?

Or, is he the Rodney Dangerfield of reality TV? The thing is, since he didn’t win the $250,000 he is still stuck in his parent’s basement, he can’t pick up chicks–although he could take them to a hotel. He had thought of becoming a male escort in his younger days. Now that he’s older he says he has more wisdom. He also says he wasn’t with Buckwild, which is bullshit. Everyone on TV could see he was.

He also claims he doesn’t sleep with many women. That could be true, since he lives with mom and dad. Dude has had girls like Mary Carey, though, so I wonder if he took Carey over to the parent’s house for dinner. I would have loved to have been there for that conversation.

So it will be interesting to see what happens next with The Entertainer. Obviously you never know what you’re gonna get with him. He’s kind of like a box of chocolates.

There sure is a lot of backstabbing going on at the From G’s To Gents crib, even though the whole aim of the show is for Mr. Bentley to reform these so-called hoodlums and make them productive members of society.

Tonight All In (top photo) got eliminated, leaving us Lank, Blue, Teddy, and Mito. In my opinion the only people with a shot at winning are Lank and Mito, since they’re the only two who don’t play mind games with the other G’s on a regular basis.

It was sad to watch All In try to get up the wall (bottom photo) but he gave it his all, not quitting. Teddy got up the wall first, but then dudes started hating on him. There was some bad blood between the five at their camping outing, where they all had to make tents.

Watching G’s in the woods was funny. Instead of sending the G’s to prison or jail, maybe we should have them spend a night in the wilderness, afraid of being eaten by coyotes.

Anyway, Blue is starting to show his true self and is now plotting to have the others eliminated. Tonight he gave Teddy a black ball for no good reason and I don’t really understand why All In got three black balls. Blue got two, so some of them are on to him.

My pick for elimination next week is Blue, who unfortunately might be headed back to the homeless shelter. It’s sad, but it’s true.

Feisty went down, but not without a fight that her teeth put up with this bottle of alcohol (bottom photo). And her tongue. And that weird sit-up thing she does with her butt.

The girls ganged up on Feisty (duh) because she was the nicest of the bunch. Seriously. And that says alot right there about the show. If you have five girls in the house and NOT ONE OF THEM is nice, possibly clinically insane, well, you have a problem.

So mark it down, kiddies: two nice girls gone in two straight episodes. A coincidence? I think not. Would these girls kill each other for a shot at Ray-J, but more importantly, a shot at 15 minutes of fame? Um, yeah they would and probably take Ray-J along with.

Harsh, I know, but likely true. So we’ve got Cocktail, Unique, Chardonnay and Danger remaining. Who knows? All four may just decide they’ve had enough of Ray-J and walk out of the house, leaving him with nobody.

They’re all crazy, anyway. But that’s what we love about the show.

He’s gone way before his time, but tonight Tailor Made, that snake pain in the ass got rid of Frank The Entertainer tonight on I Love Money 2, effectively eliminating Frank’s secret alliance and beginning a new game.

The whole thing happened because Tailor Made’s team had to pick just three team members and so did Frank’s green team. The others in the challenge (bottom photo), in which each team had to untangle ropes suspended 100 feet above the water, were just dead weight.

But naturally, when it was Tailor’s team’s turn his turncoat members (and dead weight) Becky Buckwild and 20 Pack started jerking the ropes as hard as possible, causing Tailor Made’s rope to break.

The judges decided to give Tailor’s team a second chance, so naturally they completed the challenge quickly, since they had already done it once. Yeah, it was bullshit but that’s how Tailor’s team won.

So after The Entertainer’s team lost the challenge, they had to vote three team members into the strong box for possible elimination. One problem though: when they voted each time it was a stalemate, which played into Tailor’s team’s hands.

After The Entertainer’s team couldn’t decide who was going in after 15 minutes, rules dictate that the other team then votes three of The Entertainer’s team members into the box.

They chose The Entertainer, Saaphyri and Angelique, the three strongest players in the green team. Angelique was spared first, then it came down to Frank and Saaphyri. If it were me I would have chosen Saaphyri, but Tailor Made was paymaster and chose The Entertainer to go home, because The Entertainer got rid of his buddy Bonez. Dumb move, since Saaphyri is by far the strongest competitor next to Becky Buckwild (seen crying for her man Frank) in the game.

First it was the drinking that had Bret worried about Beverly, the tomboy who liked to ride motorcycles and raise hell. Now it’s the obsession with Bret being a rock star that got her eliminated from Rock Of Love Bus, leaving three brunettes vying for his love.

Beverly even won the challenge with Taya, writing lyrics for one of Bret’s new songs and singing it well enough to go on a date with Bret, as the three jetted to Txeas for a rock festival Bret was playing.

But that’s where the weirdness started, in the limo. Beverly pulled out a souvenir teddy bear to have Bret sign for her son, which Taya–also along for the date though she’s a ringer when it comes to singing–laughed at.

Yeah, it’s a little immature to have a rockstar you’re dating, signing some memorabilia. It kinda sounds like Beverly’s more into Bret as a rockstar than as a person.

And that’s why she got the boot, even though Mindy is showing some signs of cracking. But I will say this: if Taya doesn’t open up to Bret soon, she’s going home. She’s the only one who is staying mum about everything and that could cost her.

Next up, Miami and a romantic date for the three. Should be entertaining, now that Jamie is the odd girl out and Mindy and Taya are BFF’s.