Dec 25 2008
Happy Holidays! Your Reality TV 12 Days Of Christmas - Reality TV Circus
On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…A subscription to cable TV! Just think…if you didn’t have access to cable TV, whether it was Time Warner or Comcast or whatever your regional carrier is, you wouldn’t be able to enjoy all the programming on VH1, MTV, E!, Oxygen and even TruTV! I wouldn’t have been able to see Megan’s dog Lili!! (pictured above.) I’m sure I’m forgetting somebody, but without that access, I’d be stuck watching Survivor or The Amazing Race. Of course we all know VH1 reality TV is eons better than anything on CBS…it’s our little secret. LOL
On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…A remote for my cable TV! Without the remote you wouldn’t have an opportunity to watch cable TV from your couch or recliner, unless you had a really long stick with which to move the buttons up and down on your TV set. If you’re really fortunate your cable provider will supply you with one. Otherwise, it’s off to Target or Wal-Mart or Vann’s.
On the 10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…A million visitors to Reality TV Circus! I know that’s asking a lot since I just started this blog, but I’m thinking big here, okay? Imagine the amount of money I’d make if I could somehow pull in that many visitors. The other thing is I’m well aware my wife won’t be able to help me attract that many visitors. That is up to me. But hey, if you know some people who would like to contribute to my dream, all the better for me and Reality TV Circus!
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…a vaccine capable of fighting off my allergies to cats! Of course this is something Heather could have used on Rock Of Love Charm School, since she was always fighting allergic reactions to animals. And even though Brandi M. faked being allergic Sharon didn’t hold it against her and she still won Charm School.
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…eight maids a-cleaning. These stars are so busy plotting evil they hardly have time to tidy up their own roomks. After watching how trashed some of these mansions become after just a few days of living it up and drinking until you can’t stand up, I think it’s obvious that many of them need a few maids. The less clothing the better.
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me…the entire DVD set of Flavor Of Love! By far the best reality TV show ever produced, the hip-hop pioneer and wannabe black Casanova set the bar high for all of the other pretenders, employing whacked-out costumes as well as unique individuals and creating a brand that has literally stood the test of time. They will be talking about Flavor Of Love in 50 years as the catalyst to an entirely new genre of reality TV. It has spawned other shows and created other stars, such as New York.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…six dudes a-laying. It goes without saying that without sex in the equation, reality TV nowadays would be about as enjoyable as a game show without Vanna White. Think about what I’m saying here; everyone knows the shows the get the best ratings are the ones in which a lady (usually a former or current dancer of some sort) is giving a guy a lap dance.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…five golden bling! Flav started it all, but you even see the ladies sporting that bling! Kendra from Girls Next Door is always flashing something shiny and a few ladies have been known to show off their flashy jewelry. Now Real and Chance have taken blingin’ to a whole new level, macking out their rides as well as themselves.
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…four bleeped words! During one segment of Real Chance of Love and in a five-minute span I counted 44 words bleeped out by editors. Thank God for editing, else some of these shows might carry an NC-17 rating!
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me…three French kisses! Of course that’s nothing compared to some of these shows. The amount of Frenching New York has done with some of her male suitors is downright ridiculous! The mmm’s and ahhhh’s are also way overdone.
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me…two spitting lungs. From the depths of whatever came two shots heard around the water cooler. I’m talking about Pumkin showering New York with a surprising bath and then Brandi C. letting loose of some gummy substance sticking to Destiney’s face! Ewwww…nasty, but definitely something that gets the ratings.
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…a bit part on reality TV. Obviously we hold these reality TV stars in the highest regard; otherwise we wouldn’t talk about them so often. In what is the most entertaining aspect of this highly-evolving business, it’s just like Forrest Gump once said…you never know what you’re gonna get. And that’s what’s so great about reality TV. That and the conniving, backstabbing, heart-shattering nature of the whole thing. It’s like being on a roller-coaster without ever stopping. So enjoy the thrill ride and Happy Holidays from Reality TV Circus!
