REALITY TV CIRCUS

As Celebrity Rehab 2 on VH1 reached its painful conclusion everyone made their decision as to who would go to sober living and who would go home.

The first shocker of the night came when Jeff Conaway was booted from the rehab center after he kicked his crazy girlfriend Vikki in the ribs! She was trying to be normal and go to a group activity like everyone else. Since the center had a “zero tolerance policy” for such behavior, however, Conaway was asked to leave, being given two options: Go to another facility to continue his drug treatment or go home.

Naturally he chose home and guess who went with him? Yep, the girl he kicked in the ribs so hard she had to go to the hospital. Love works in mysterious ways! And the first thing Conaway did was bust open a bottle of Oxycontin and pop one right in front of the cameras!

Next up, the ceremony where it took Rod Stewart’s son Sean all of 2 seconds to decide he was going home. He made some pithy remark about going to meetings (?) and that was that. Tawny Kitaen also, even though she did say she would do outpatient care in her hometown. Gary Busey also decided he had enough of rehab and was going back to the wake ‘n bake routine. Busey did say, however, that he would continue to help (uh, pester) the outpatients in “Sober House.” All three left after the graduation ceremony in a limo. That’s how they do in Hollywood, yo.

Now we move on to those who will be staying at “Sober House,” the upcoming VH1 show starting January 15 where the addicts will be filmed living it up (kind of) in Hollywood, hoping to stay clean.

Amazingly and by some grace of God, Steven Adler chose sober living. Wow. I had no idea that was coming. So did Seth “Shifty” Binzer, who basically just joined the cast for season 2 on account of smoking some crack on the roof and wanting assistance with his drug problem in the previous episode. So for him “Sober House” is more like “Celebrity Rehab” without the orderlies. Dr. Drew will be there to help, however.

On the show you’ll also see Amber Smith, Rodney King, Nikki McKibbin from American Idol (full report on American Idle today, by the way) and (drum roll) Andy Dick. Heh. Wow. Whose ides was it to bring a spitfire like Dick to the party? This will be lots different from what Dick’s accustomed to, you know, setting tables on fire and getting caught with random hookers and boatloads of coke, allegedly. *snorts*

Oh, and porn star Mary Carey is on the show too, making for what will obviously be some quality TV moments. She was on the wagon, then fell off again. Predictable, right? I can’t wait for “Sober House.” It starts about a month from now on VH1.