REALITY TV CIRCUS

After a weird episode in which the contestants had to (not literally) walk on water by balancing themselves as they traversed a balance beam set across a pool, anything could happen on A Double Shot At Love, right?

Well, it did when Nick and Kali (above photo) were both shockingly sent home, even though it looked to me like the twins Rikki and Vikki actually cared for both. Nick cried a lot, though, so that probably didn’t help his cause all that much. And neither did having a drink thrown in his face. Or having Scott, the loudmouth from Jersey get in his face.

But, as you well know, feelings can go either way on these reality dating shows pretty quick and what is hot today might not be tomorrow! As for Kali, she predicted (incorrectly I might add) that she’d be gone last week, so I doubt she’s too surprised.

The best action of the night came when the boys and girls had to pair up and work together to lick extremely thick frosting off a plastic mannequin to win a challenge, which the twin terrors called “Licky The Icky.” Cute.

Not only did this challenge result in hilarity but it also caused both the boys and the girls numerous injuries, including cut lips, profuse bleeding and loads of canker sores. No hospital trips this time around, however.

Scott took this particular game one step beyond normalcy (picture proof above) when he bloodied some of his face trying to lick off all the frosting to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop. Heh.

Obviously the game had some meaning though; otherwise Nick and Kali (who teamed up for the lick-a-thon) would not have gone home as soon as they did. Honestly I’m not sure what the twins see in Scott, for example, but they must see SOMETHING, else he would have been 86’d weeks ago.

Well, they waited until the end to uh, pull a rabbit out of their hats, but Real sent Milf home after many episodes of having us wonder if she was being kept because he liked her or because he just didn’t know her. Same with Chance, who booted Rabbit!

I think Real made a terrible mistake, however, by keeping Bay Bay Bay when it was obvious his feelings for her were more like a friend would have had. But the Playboy past for Milf was just too much for Real, who finally sent her packing in the next-to-last episode.

All that’s left now is the season finale, with Corn Fed and Bay Bay Bay remaining. Am I surprised? Yeah, just a little and I do think Milf was the right person for Real, but that’s all in the past now.

Chance continued to shock everyone by keeping Cali in the house, even though it’s obvious to everyone Cali is only there to become famous. It doesn’t matter now, because Chance sent Rabbit home. This is probably a decision that has been a long time in the making since Rabbit had her eye on his brother for awhile, but it finally came to fruition last night.

Still, you have to wonder why Chance kept Risky around, especially with that temper of his. And with her temper, after what happened when Milf came out with the information about Risky’s brother being in jail…Hmmm…

So that leaves Cali and Risky in the season finale. Does anybody honestly care? You know you’ll be seeing Real and Chance again for season 2 of their dating show and I don’t think we know much about Corn Fed yet. So we’ll see what happens in two weeks for the season finale!

Tonight is when all the magic happens and all the hoopla subsides. God only knows I’ve heard about Brody Jenner’s new show “Bromance” on MTV for weeks now. So now it’s time to find out what all the hubbub is about!

Nine guys will get the opportunity to be taken away from their boring existence to be a part of Brody’s entourage consisting of him (middle) and his two best friends. (above photo). But first the chosen nine get to go through some harrowing and downright disgusting challenges in order to have the right to be called Brody’s true friend.

The nine bro’s will be “placed” in a frat house (Heh.) and at any time could have any of Brody’s friends or family stop by (Yeah, could include his half-sister Kim Kardashian) to find out what they’re really made of.

They will also go on so-called dream dates with each other, to places like Las Vegas where they’ll go skydiving, or chillin’ with some Playboy playmates. You know, the usual “bro” stuff. LOL And each week, Brody will boot one unsuspecting dude out of the inner circle until there is only one remaining for Brody to call his one true “bro.”

Ah…doesn’t it make you wanna throw up? I guaran-friggin-tee somebody will throw up from something they ate before this show is over! In fact, count on lots of “Fear Factor” type challenges along the way, just to make things more interesting.

When “Confessions Of A Teen Idol” begins on January 4 on VH1, everyone will finally have a look-see into what is arguably the most intriguing of all of the movie star roles: the teen heartthrob. The thing about “Confessions” is they’re gonna give you a chance to see what makes them tick.

Scott Baio and Jason Hervey (Kevin’s wisecracking brother on “The Wonder Years”) direct this foray into an exclusive club where the guys will live, eat, sleep and drink together, in an attempt to make a comeback…or fall flat on their face. You’d already seen Baio make his comeback attempt on VH1 and so it will be a basic free-fall to see who makes it out alive in this show.

For some the transition to steady work will be easier. For others it may just be that their time in the spotlight was over years ago. The teen idols will be Christopher Atkins (The Blue Lagoon), David Chokachi (Baywatch), Billy Hufsey (Fame), Jeremy Jackson (Baywatch), Eric Nies (MTV), Jamie Walters (Beverly Hills 90210) and Adrian Zmed (TJ Hooker, Grease 2).

Walters (above picture) had a brief moment in the sun with his hit single “Hold On,“ which went as high as No. 16 on the 1995 Billboard charts. The song was released at about the time 90210 was popular.

As you can see this isn’t an A-list roster. In fact, it would be premature to call them E-listers. But the seven obviously have the drive to get back into the game, else they wouldn’t have joined the cast. So get ready for a look inside what it’s really like to be famous with “Confessions Of A Teen Idol.”

For a slew of Celebrity Rehab grads, “Sober House” will present their first real foray into sober living and therefore, real life since they attempted to kick their drug and alcohol addictions.

Even though some Celebrity Rehab castmates decided to stick with their own abusive routines some actually came to their senses and decided to give “Sober House” a try.

But it won’t be easy; the “Sober House” denizens will need to find work, create a plan for after they get out of the “Sober House,” determine a path that is good for their planned sobriety, get that program established and circumnavigate the treacheries of Hollywood, all the glitz, the glamour and the drugs they could probably purchase a few blocks down the street from their “Sober House.” Whew.

So as you can see, not only does Dr. Drew (above photo) have his hands full, but the castmates choosing to live in “Sober House” also have theirs cut out for them as well! The one castmate to watch out for when the series starts January 15 is Mary Carey, the ex-porn star/gubernatorial candidate of California who herself is trying to kick her addiction.

With Carey, though, the challenge may be greater since she is trying to kick her addiction while still in the porn industry, although at a much more diminished role. The others to keep an eye on would be former Guns n’ Roses drummer Steven Adler, Seth “Shifty” Binzer and Rodney King, among others, all of whom are a part of “Sober House.” Can’t wait!

With the news that Criss Angel just bought Hef’s former No. 1 Holly Madison a ring and were spotted this week cavorting around town together, it stops and makes you wonder why Hef’s Christmas Card this year has him and the Shannon twins (above photo) on it. Or maybe it doesn’t.

What that tells me is the Hef and Holly are officially over and that it will only be a matter of time before Holly is asked to leave the Playboy Mansion for good. Her time, based on this card, may in fact be coming to an end within months, if not weeks.

It hasn’t always been this way for the Alaska native. Even though she faced stiff competition to become the number one woman in Hef’s life (Other Playmates reportedly said she studied Hef before making her move) she persevered in a way no other Alaskan woman has in politics since Sarah Palin. LOL

But the Shannon Twins, who will also reportedly be named Playmates in the coming months, have stepped to the forefront of the discussion about who Holly’s replacement will be. I’m not convinced they are, anyway, since Hef has also been spotted with another model, Crystal (below photo in middle), who looks older than the 22 years she states on her MySpace profile. And Hef seems to like Crystal lots too and the two might be a better fit!

So in Playboy Land, everything is up in the air right now, including the future of the Playboy empire Hef has worked so hard to build. Hef Isn’t getting any younger either, at the age of 82. The other thing is, it’s awfully strange to see Hef out with twins. I’ll bet the twins love sitting in his bed watching old movies, when they aren’t cheating on him behind his back in the Grotto. LOL

On the 12^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…A subscription to cable TV! Just think…if you didn’t have access to cable TV, whether it was Time Warner or Comcast or whatever your regional carrier is, you wouldn’t be able to enjoy all the programming on VH1, MTV, E!, Oxygen and even TruTV! I wouldn’t have been able to see Megan’s dog Lili!! (pictured above.) I’m sure I’m forgetting somebody, but without that access, I’d be stuck watching Survivor or The Amazing Race. Of course we all know VH1 reality TV is eons better than anything on CBS…it’s our little secret. LOL

On the 11^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…A remote for my cable TV! Without the remote you wouldn’t have an opportunity to watch cable TV from your couch or recliner, unless you had a really long stick with which to move the buttons up and down on your TV set. If you’re really fortunate your cable provider will supply you with one. Otherwise, it’s off to Target or Wal-Mart or Vann’s.

On the 10^th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…A million visitors to Reality TV Circus! I know that’s asking a lot since I just started this blog, but I’m thinking big here, okay? Imagine the amount of money I’d make if I could somehow pull in that many visitors. The other thing is I’m well aware my wife won’t be able to help me attract that many visitors. That is up to me. But hey, if you know some people who would like to contribute to my dream, all the better for me and Reality TV Circus!

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…a vaccine capable of fighting off my allergies to cats! Of course this is something Heather could have used on Rock Of Love Charm School, since she was always fighting allergic reactions to animals. And even though Brandi M. faked being allergic Sharon didn’t hold it against her and she still won Charm School.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…eight maids a-cleaning. These stars are so busy plotting evil they hardly have time to tidy up their own roomks. After watching how trashed some of these mansions become after just a few days of living it up and drinking until you can’t stand up, I think it’s obvious that many of them need a few maids. The less clothing the better.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me…the entire DVD set of Flavor Of Love! By far the best reality TV show ever produced, the hip-hop pioneer and wannabe black Casanova set the bar high for all of the other pretenders, employing whacked-out costumes as well as unique individuals and creating a brand that has literally stood the test of time. They will be talking about Flavor Of Love in 50 years as the catalyst to an entirely new genre of reality TV. It has spawned other shows and created other stars, such as New York.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…six dudes a-laying. It goes without saying that without sex in the equation, reality TV nowadays would be about as enjoyable as a game show without Vanna White. Think about what I’m saying here; everyone knows the shows the get the best ratings are the ones in which a lady (usually a former or current dancer of some sort) is giving a guy a lap dance.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…five golden bling! Flav started it all, but you even see the ladies sporting that bling! Kendra from Girls Next Door is always flashing something shiny and a few ladies have been known to show off their flashy jewelry. Now Real and Chance have taken blingin’ to a whole new level, macking out their rides as well as themselves.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…four bleeped words! During one segment of Real Chance of Love and in a five-minute span I counted 44 words bleeped out by editors. Thank God for editing, else some of these shows might carry an NC-17 rating!

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me…three French kisses! Of course that’s nothing compared to some of these shows. The amount of Frenching New York has done with some of her male suitors is downright ridiculous! The mmm’s and ahhhh’s are also way overdone.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me…two spitting lungs. From the depths of whatever came two shots heard around the water cooler. I’m talking about Pumkin showering New York with a surprising bath and then Brandi C. letting loose of some gummy substance sticking to Destiney’s face! Ewwww…nasty, but definitely something that gets the ratings.

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…a bit part on reality TV. Obviously we hold these reality TV stars in the highest regard; otherwise we wouldn’t talk about them so often. In what is the most entertaining aspect of this highly-evolving business, it’s just like Forrest Gump once said…you never know what you’re gonna get. And that’s what’s so great about reality TV. That and the conniving, backstabbing, heart-shattering nature of the whole thing. It’s like being on a roller-coaster without ever stopping. So enjoy the thrill ride and Happy Holidays from Reality TV Circus!

After four more contestants had been eliminated last week, we were now down to 16 in the quest to win the hearts and minds of twins Rikki and Vikki on a Double Shot At Love.

The festivities for the third episode started with a tried-and-true fave, the bi-athlon. Looking like 70’s porno stars, the guys competed against the girls. Carrying blow-up dolls attached to their waist belts as they wound their way through the obstacle course, both teams started out strong but the boys started lagging behind at the midway point. The girls actually lapped the guys and the pink team defeated the blue team.

The guys naturally started pointing fingers, calling their teammates “sissies.” Since they lost the boys had to stay in the “trailer park.” Not to be rude but the twins looked like they had been to a trailer park before. Anyway, they started digging on a few contestants, like Matt and Ricky. As for Paul, the software engineer, he ended up staying in the “pool,” the place reserved for the slowest contestant.

Ironically, the girls were treated to a legit “pool” party on account of their victory. The twins started macking on a butch lesbian, which was strange since they usually like more feminine types. But the butch girl confessed to the twins she wanted to be a man, which surprised the twins. But Elise, the personal trainer, stepped to the forefront in the twins’ eyes, just like last week. Rebecca was jealous as usual, craving as much attention from the twins. And the twins were mad that Elise didn’t tell Rebecca off!

Speaking of pool parties, Kali made her presence felt by skinny-dipping and showing off her uh, hard body parts. LOL Then it was like ducks into water when several other girls jumped in. And then Rebecca started being a bitch, basically dumping Vikki, the more sensitive of the two. Ouch. Hope that doesn’t come back to haunt Rebecca!

In the next challenge the contestants covered themselves in candy coating and balanced themselves on a pedestal, the prize being a solo date with the twins! This was a first on the show and so it was crucial for them to impress! Rebecca was the first to be eliminated and the twins weren’t too happy. Once the challenge was down to two boys, Paul and Trevor the surfer, which Trevor won. But Paul took a hit for the team, and an ambulance was called for observation.

The twins eliminated five people this evening. Paul was sent home, as was tattooed, beefcake Matt for the boys. Nick barely survived and Matt started freaking out, going into ‘roid rage or something. He came back and then put his hands on Rikki and was led out by Scott. As for the girls, Elise was the first to go and Nicky the chef went as well. Rebecca somehow survived, however, with the twins claiming they had a connection with her. I’m not convinced Rebecca’s not here for TV. Nicky punched the door and was also led out. Wow, what a crazy, sticky night!

Now that they officially didn’t win Rock Of Love Charm School (or the $100,000 grand prize) both Lacey and Destiney felt it was time (for their careers) to open up and talk about what happened at Charm School.

Lacey was the first to go of the three remaining in the finale, having proven to Sharon Osbourne that she was still a bitch (which, incidentally was something I knew all along) and she’s the first to speak here. Ironically she was born a day before me (I too am a Gemini) but that doesn’t mean that just because she’s Irish (me too) and a Gemini AND a redhead that we’d get along. I’m pretty sure we’d kill each other. Anyway, Lacey says she’s all the better for the experience, blah, blah, blah.

She talks about clawing her way to the top, at the expense of others and treating this as if it were a big game, psychologically. I personally just think she’s a tad crazy. And she has some passion about things, like, for example, pestering people on Hollywood Boulevard to support her cause, whatever that may be. She backed up her “cause” by saying she hated everyone who was arrogant and apathetic. Speaking of arrogant she called Heather that, among other things, and says their friendship is over.

As for runner-up Destiney her reality TV future is up in the air now that she has her own clothing line. The niece of Demi Moore says she has really changed after going to Charm School and adds that she now has a career outside of acting: fashion.

The Ed Hardy challenge (which she won) has apparently catapulted Miss Moore to new heights and she will have a new clothing line called Divination that she will unveil at the Charm School reunion. As for friendships she made, her friendship with Heather is also over. And of course nobody will forget Brandi C. spitting on her, which made Destiney an even bigger celebrity than before.

I don’t know how much Destiney has actually changed (boy, there were a lot of S-bombs and F-bombs in her exit interview) but it does seem like she’s on the right career path. As for Lacey, they often say genuises are misunderstood. Lacey is by far one of the most savvy players to ever participate in reality TV shows.

Brandi M. (Real name: Brandi Mahon), a former porn star/stripper from Rock Of Love season 1 is the first winner of Rock Of Love Charm School, hosted by Sharon Osbourne, winning the $100,000 grand prize. The ironic thing (now that we know about the assault incident stemming between Sharon and Megan) is that Megan helped Brandi M. win her challenge to make it to the finals.

Well, kind of. Megan actually tried to sabotage Brandi M. by purposely persuading passersby on Hollywood Boulevard to purchase the cheapest item (a ballpoint pen) on the list for a charity drive, to no avail. Brandi M. raised more than $100 on her own, more than enough to surpass the other ladies and move into the final.

Lacey went back to her old bitchy ways and was caught ridiculing people as they walked past her booth, costing her a chance at the $100,000 first prize and a trip to the final. Because of that, even though Destiney (a niece of actress Demi Moore) finished last she was awarded the last spot and Lacey was finally sent home. In my opinion Lacey was sent home three weeks too late, but whatever, it’s not my show, now is it?

Anyway, it came down to Brandi M. and Destiney to see who would come home richer and wiser for their time spent at Charm School. I do think the judges made the correct decision in choosing Brandi M. as the winner. Although the race was close Brandi M. pulled it out at the end for her impromptu speech, in which she explained what she learned in her time at the school.

But Destiney got a small gift of her own, receiving an internship at judge Daniela’s clothing company for her efforts and seemed grateful. For someone who grew up in a trailer in Montana, the journey was well worth it and Destiney truly seemed better for it in spite of losing. She was ever the lady, congratulating Brandi M. on her victory.

In all, it was enjoyable and entertaining watching Rock Of Love Charm School and even though Sharon Osbourne now may have assault charges from pulling out Megan’s hair at the reunion show it was a good way to spend a Sunday evening. Now we move on to Rock Of Love Bus in two weeks. And this won’t be the last you see of Destiney; she will be on I Love Money 2 in February.