REALITY TV CIRCUS

Question: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? I don’t know, but I know how many blondes it takes to satisfy the needs of a bunch of whiny people who have had too much to drink, that’s for sure.

The answer, unfortunately, is one. One sorry soul whose aim in life is to stuff their stuffed bikini with dollar bills. And they do it well, brining the spotlight to a job that is, uh, fun. Until you’re 25. Then reality sets in and so do the wrinkles and age spots and they head to casino jobs, never to be seen again.

In “Rehab: Party At The Hard Rock Hotel,” the new reality TV series on TruTV, you get to see what happens to all the so-called “beautiful people.” It’s spring break every day gone horribly wrong in Las Vegas.

Some fellas have serpentine arm tattoos on ballooned ’roid bods that would make Danny Bonaduce squirm, while others just have beer bellies, doughy skin and enough money that they’re literally throwing it in the air. So THAT’s where all the junk bond/hush money went! I had no idea!! LOL

The majority of the ladies have breasts so fake it reminds you of those bras they made in the 1950’s…except they’re under bikinis so small they could serve as tablecloths for your next meal. Others look like innocent bystanders not knowing they may be involved in some obligatory sexual act sooner rather than later. The scary part is they seem to be okay with it.

Either way, this show gives you the creeps. The only people standing in the way of all the “fun” are Justin, the general manager of this circus, his “deputy” Sharon, some 40-something redhead female going through “the change,” and the head of security named Deebo, a monster of a man who looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin.

In the first episode we get a glimpse of what’s to come in every episode. Somebody drinks too much in a cabana (or the pool area, for that matter) and here comes security! Code red! Next thing you know, drinks are spilled, the drunk revelers are freaking out (naturally) and the individuals (code for the person who drank too much and really pissed Sharon off) are escorted off the premises.

After some pleasantries are exchanged (a few middle-fingers) then the “beautiful people” go back to what they do best, annoying the crap out of service workers who have nothing better to do with their time than cater to obnoxious drunk people. Ah, the time of your life, right?